prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

(via dishonored-pendletwin)

boundtothewater:

ashfirin:

please watch this video of a deer having a temper tantrum because no one will feed him

feed him

(via bburnie)

hhantu:

franfrancatman:

My dad and I made this fishtank for my mum for Christmas a few years ago with dollhouse furniture. I thought it was pretty rad

i cant believe your mom is a fish
hhantu:

franfrancatman:

My dad and I made this fishtank for my mum for Christmas a few years ago with dollhouse furniture. I thought it was pretty rad

i cant believe your mom is a fish

hhantu:

franfrancatman:

My dad and I made this fishtank for my mum for Christmas a few years ago with dollhouse furniture. I thought it was pretty rad

i cant believe your mom is a fish

(via notpresidentobama)

dorkly:

Happy National Dog Day!
dorkly:

Happy National Dog Day!
dorkly:

Happy National Dog Day!
dorkly:

Happy National Dog Day!
dorkly:

Happy National Dog Day!
dorkly:

Happy National Dog Day!

mintprincen:

chickenstab:

image

literally all i can see in this picture is

image

I’M ON ME WAY

alternatively: HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY HONEY HELLO MY RAGTIME GAL

or: EXIIT, STAGE LEFT

(via mias-chow)

slimydad:

aztec420:

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how does something this small even exist? is this a pig molecule? i need to lay down a while

(via dishonored-pendletwin)

koiflans:

the-captains-wife:

koiflans:

tumblr is such an embarrassing website to be a part of

You mean AMAZING

no

(via dishonored-pendletwin)

why do guys think girls wear makeup for them do u honestly think i spent $20 on a blush to make ur dick hard calm down

(via bburnie)

abbigailbuscus:


[x]


;-; I love you too bby abbigailbuscus:


[x]


;-; I love you too bby abbigailbuscus:


[x]


;-; I love you too bby

Q

Anonymous asked:

When girls go out wearing tiny, tight, skimpy outfits, I mean they have the choice to wear something else. some thing less provocative, so really girls are asking for it.

A

scalelectricity:

If you’re out in public and I see you’re not wearing any protective headgear does that give me the right to smash in your skull with a hammer? I mean you asked for it, since you’re not wearing something to protect your head.